People on the internet are in a constant passionate debate over the state of motherhood. To work or not to work? Depending on who you ask, staying home is either condemning your life to indentured servitude or the ultimate freedom. As a stay at home mom myself with a 3 year old and another on the way, this is a topic I have put much thought and consideration into.

Obviously, there isn’t one magic solution that suits everyone; every path comes with its own set of pros and cons. However, here is my thought process on how I am pursuing a “best of both worlds” approach to raising children and a fulfilling career.

Why Staying Home makes Practical Sense

Probably the most common stated reason to stay home is the cost of childcare, especially in the early years. Daycare can cost as much as or more than a mortgage payment. The average cost in the US is between $900 and $1500 a month PER CHILD. If a soon-to-be mother has a low paying job with no benefits, that alone could be the deciding factor. 

Besides financial reasons, there are also lifestyle and emotional reasons to consider. Children are only little for a short time. Many people feel a lot of joy in being able to spend those precious years watching their children learn & explore the world. 

One of my favorite parts of staying home is the flexibility it allows. Errands, appointments, and schedules are much easier to keep track of and I don’t need to consider PTO. My husband works in the trades and has a fluctuating work schedule, some months he works a ton of overtime. He also has to travel a few times a year. The idea of having to balance all of that with my own old work schedule + daycare stresses me out just thinking about it. However, that same flexibility can become a double-edged sword. When your home is your workplace, the boundaries begin to blur.

The Tradeoffs of Being a Stay at Home Mom

Staying home with your kids all day can begin to feel like “Groundhog Day” if you’re not careful. You spend everyday anticipating and tending to the needs of your family and managing the household. The smaller the kid, the more time they spend glued to your side 24/7. The lack of privacy and boundaries can seep into your very sense of self. With so much of yourself dedicated to others, it’s very easy to lose your sense of identity altogether. 

But hands down, one of the biggest drawbacks to staying at home is the opportunity cost of not being in the workforce. Not only are you missing out on the salary, you are also missing out on potential raises and promotions, experience, skill building, and retirement investments. Choosing to stay at home is a large monetary sacrifice towards your future long-term financial independence. 

During this time, you are financially vulnerable and dependent on your spouse. Not being on the same page with your partner can lead to disaster later on. 

As the “trad-wife movement” gained popularity on social media, a large number of older millennial and gen X women spoke out against it. They shared their own stories as cautionary tales. Starting over completely after their husband blindsided them with divorce papers. Struggling with the weight of having to suddenly support themselves and their children after being out of the job market for over a decade. 

So, how do we mitigate these risks without sacrificing the early years we want with our children? For me, it’s not about choosing one or the other, it’s about finding a balance. 

A Happy Medium

What if motherhood isn't the end of your professional growth, but the beginning of a deeper, more fulfilling kind of success? 

Pursuing my own creative business while staying at home has provided me with a level of life satisfaction I could have only dreamed about before. And I am only in the early years of building my career. I may not be considered monetarily successful yet by most standards, however the skills & experience I have already acquired are priceless. 

When it comes to artistry, entrepreneurship, and social media, hands-on experience is the best teacher. Staying home has allowed me to work on my career these past 2-3 years slowly, at my own pace, without having the pressure of knowing exactly what I’m doing or being highly profitable. I am essentially subsidising the cost of building my business with the money we’re saving in childcare. 

It’s a common saying that it takes 5 years to build a profitable business. Coincidentally, that is also how long it takes for a child to reach school age and become more independent. In a lot of ways, growing a business and raising a baby mirror each other. 

The 1st Year:  You don’t know what the heck you're doing. You’re just trying to keep everyone alive. 

The 2nd Year: You’re starting to find a groove and have a better sense of what’s going on. There’s a lot of experimentation going on. You’re throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks.

The 3rd Year: Things are starting to click. All that time, effort, and experimentation is starting to pay off in small ways. You see the light at the end of the tunnel and how this will pay off in the future. 

The 4th and 5th Year: Not sure yet. I’ll let you know when I get there lol. But hopefully it continues to get easier.

I don’t want to make this seem like doing both is easy. It’s not! I try to give my all everyday but “my all” fluctuates daily. It’s crucial to listen to yourself: mind, body, and soul. Finding your natural balance between motherhood, career, and free time can be very difficult sometimes. Remember it’s better to go slowly at a consistent pace than to push yourself too hard, burn out, and get an injury. The beauty of this method is that you don’t have to have it figured out all at once, you let the years compound on themselves.

Coming Next:

In my next post, I'm getting into the details of growing my art business. The unexpected win that's already got me 32% to my goal, the income streams I'm building, and the vision I'm working toward for Art & Whimsy.